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New Years Day 2018

1 Jan

To all of you I wish you the best year to come. I know there will be joy, sadness, passings, new babies, scary news, good news.

I always like to reflect on what I learned from the last year.

  1. To have the opportunity to be a business woman. It made me a stonger woman, maybe a little smarter but I am still unable to add. It was fun to have my own little shop and learn to sew items that customers liked. We feel blessed to have sold the park and are happy for them.
  2. To be able to be in business with my husband and succeed. It made us a stonger couple together. We had to learn how to communicate and work through issues together.
  3. I found I am still too sensitive to comments which I take too personally. After my retreat I do feel I am doing better with that.
  4. I do still find the need to have some type of job or opportunity to continue working. Hopefully my sewing ideas will fill this void.

Lastly, I hope I will incorporate meditation techniques, readings, exercise, and eating into my routine. During the retreat a couple of things happened. I found myself being a little angry at my Dad who passed away in 2008.  Nothing serious just sometimes thoughts come through. My friend Ginny was helping pack items in the house in October and we were making a Goodwill pile. I put these 2 hand carved sand piper birds in the pile. They used to be in my parents house and I knew my Dad really liked them. Ginny was about to leave and I decided to take the birds back. Forward to my retreat and Ventura Beach. Our first activity was to go find a place to sit in the sand to meditate and be still. The first 2 things I saw were 2 sand pipers running around in the waves. Then they were gone and I never saw them again in the next 5 hours I was there. I took that as a sign, maybe an apology, maybe that he is watching over me, whatever I no longer have that anger.

Another exercise we had was to bury thoughts of anger, sadness, distrust, etc. in the sand. I dug a hole and used items such as rocks, driftwood, seaweed and buried these thoughts deep. I laid down on the warm sand and closed my eyes. Thinking, praying, breathing, then I opened my eyes and I was looking straight up at the sky. There was a blue that I  had never seen before. Although the day had wispy clouds and a grayish blue, this blue was brilliant, happy, stunning, exciting. I kept blinking and it kept being there. Sadly I had to remove myself from the sand and the beach and when I got up to walk to the group, I looked up at the top of the sky and that blue wasn’t there anymore. I was definitely in some kind of mental euphoria that made me feel very happy. I have continued to have a better peace of the heart and soul.

It’s very cold and blustery here today. We had such a good time at the New Years dance and I so enjoyed being in Denny’s arms for 2 slow dances. I had fun dancing with girlfriends which I never do. Mike and Steph left today to get settled into their place on S Padre. Had so much fun with them as they stayed with us for 2 days.I am nestled in my recliner with blankies and binging on The Crown.  I LOVE IT!!!!

 

 

 

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Almost 20 years!!!

30 Dec

New Year’s Eve of 2017 will be our 20th anniversary. How lucky was I that on my 3rd try that I would marry the kindest, sweetest, and most loving man in the whooolllllleeeee world. Denny and I knew each other during my biker phase of life. He owned Topeka Harley Davidson and in the late 70’s, early 80’s I knew him through many Harley events.

Now, forward to 1994.  I had been divorced and sober since 1986. Unfortunately my choice in men continued to cause me much distress at times to the point I had to get some serious help for the issue. After spending a month at a facility in Arizona, I came home to be a stronger woman, a better mother (much to my 2 children’s dismay) and grow up. I spent a year working on myself, thankfully with the help of medication and  truly the best friends in the world,  I was able to do that. I didn’t date for a year. During the Christmas season of 1994, I worked at the Harley kiosk in the mall. One day, Denny was there. Now remember, I have spent thousands of dollars changing my ways regarding how I would behave around men. Sooooo, Denny and I are talking and he told me that he had been divorced for about a year and a half!!!! I was like “WHAT”.  “WAS THAT IN THE NEWSPAPER??” “WHY AIN’T WE GOING OUT!!! I am using my outside voice. Denny’s face turned bright read and he walked around the other side of the kiosk and didn’t talk to me rest of the day.

I sobbed for days, I told my therapist I was moving to AZ and she said “I think that would be a good idea!” ( She was sick of me I guess). It was a lonely and sad Christmas and New Year’s. I couldn’t believe I acted the way I did when I was trying so hard. He came by a place I worked to bring me my paycheck around Christmas. Could I keep my mouth shut??? Nooooo.  I said “if you ever want to see a movie or go have a bite to eat give me a call”..He said “Maybe after the first of the year”. I was mortified, can I not keep my mouth shut!!! More sobbing, spent New Year’s Eve alone with a stupid jigsaw puzzle. Definitely moving to AZ.  Went to therapy on Jan 2 and yammered about all of this once again. I went home and there was a message on my answering maching. “Hello, this is Denny and I was wondering if you would like to go out Saturday night”.  Of course I did and the rest is history.

We have had an incredible life. Many turmoils, many moves, early retirement and then 2 more businesses. Motorcycle trips, dirt bike adventures, bicycling across country, living in motorhome, dealing with many family issues. He totally supports me 100% in my many endeavors which are too many to name. We totally support each other although he does way too much for me that at times I wonder if I do anything useful at all! To have a person who totally accepts for my mental issues, my hair issues, my crazy ideas, my need to be busy, and to also sit me down and help me get centered.

Looking forward to another 20!! I so love you Denny Patterson.

Yucky Bumps

28 Dec

Just home from Bingo. I actually won but had to split 3 ways out of an $8.50 pot. $3 pays me back for what I lost at Mahjong yesterday!

Productive day kind of. Did get my sewing and embroidery machines hooked up and my boxes unpacked and fabric and patterns organized. Also my last box showed up.  Yay.

Had new “Click Clack” delivered today. That’s what they call a futon here. It does make click clack sound when you unfold it.

Speaking of yucky bumps, I have some kind of break out happening on my back and I don’t know what is causing it. The only change I have made is vitamins. Denny keeps telling me I need to go to Mexico and see my dermatologist Dr. Carlos.  Talk about McDreamy!!. I am actually using some medicine cream he gave me last year but I’m not sure it is the right stuff. The bumps really hurt. YUCK!! Photo of Dr Carlos.

IMG_3633

Now, am I being hypocritical discussing this handsome doctor and instead of talking about his handsome looks, I should be talking about what a great doctor he is and he really is! I must ponder this issue.

Denny may be coming down with the crud that is going around all around the country. He doesn’t think he is but as I hear him cough it doesn’t sound too great. I hope not because we head to Puerto Penasco next Friday for a week. Mike and Steph are coming in on Sunday for the night. We’ll celebrate our 20th anniversary and play golf and attend a New year’s eve gathering while they are here. The weather may or may not be great. It’s was really cold again today, not quite as bad as other parts, but cold for our area. I definitely did not bring enough warm clothes.

Have found my little drum and meditation info so let the meditating begin. Today I did 14 jumping jacks in slow motion and did a fast walk with puppies which got my heart rate up a little. We are watching the Fire Fighters series on Netflix. The women prisoners who are training to be fire fighters did 14 jumping jacks as their exercise so I thought why not!!

Ohhh Em Geee  Have a big issue trying to update our navigation on our jeep.  A real pain and I spent 2 hours today with no success. I will try again tomorrow and will call the customer service but it is hard to describe what I have going on. Hopefully tomorrow I can be less edgy dealing with it.

Okay, that’s it. Peace.  Thank you Billie for taking some hand warmers and feet warmers to help the outside people!! Also thank you Becky H for offering to help too.

 

Just Tidbits

27 Dec

Do you think it is wrong to say you are not going to watch the news, read the news or listen to the news for a while because you feel totally helpless to do anything that would matter? That I feel so privileged to have a warm place, a save place, food, people in my life. Have you ever imagined what it truly must feel like to be living in a refuge camp? A village that is wiped out by mass killings. How is it that there is so much disparity(?) in the world. I have a strong belief in Jesus but sometimes it has to take more than prayer to help those in these dire situations. I am going to do one thing. It’s very cold in Topeka and there is a man who helps with the outside people. One of the men he checks on ended up in the hospital last night with frostbite.  Hand warmers, feet warmers, hats, gloves, socks scarves. Going to put some in the mail tomorrow. Topekans, let me know if you would like to help this mission. It is not through the Rescue Mission, through someone who else. You can actually drop off items at a place.

Watching MTV Rock Block, old videos. Just watched a documentary on Rush.  “Subdivisions”. It’s a good way to veg out. I still love long hair on guys. A couple of guys I dated had hair all the way to their waist! When I was at an Independent living place last week, there was an older gentleman with his white hair in a ponytail. Don’t think I can get Denny to let his hair grow that long. 🙂

It’s blustery and chilly here today and tomorrow. At night I like sitting in my woman cave and listen to the wind blowing through the pine trees. Tomorrow is ladies golf and I am passing because of it being too cold at 8 am. I will finish setting up sewing area and we will get our new futon tomorrow. Its a cool one because it really looks like a sofa. I have some cool fabric with elephants on it to make some pillow. We also received our new refrig today thankfully. Have been using a cooler since Friday. It’s in a little precarious position because it sticks out. I see at least 1 broken toe in my future.

Feeling a little nervous about not receiving my last box of my stuff I mailed from Colorado. Received 4 boxes. Really not sure if we had 5 and I couldn’t remember what all I packed in them anyway. Called Mitzi to find a few things that I need and forgot. She went over there today and found everything and will put in the mail tomorrow. Great friend! I did have a major shock that only my Mahjong friends will understand. Today was Mahjong day and I picked up my set and checked if I had everything. My tiles were all upside down in the case, no money purse, no table cover, no 2017 card!!!!! Have no idea where those things are. My Mahjong Mojo was bad today but we did laugh a lot. One thing I will work on in 2018 is not talking as loud and laughing too loud. I can’t tell you the stink eye I have gotten over the years from unsuspecting people when I someone tells me something really funny and I burst out laughing. We will see how it goes.

Speaking of 2108, this is the best I have felt emotionally at the end of a year. Usually I am so ready for the year to be over, and this year I feel happy and guess this seems weird since I started this post on such a down note. Maybe my bipolar stuff is sneaking up on me. Who knows. I am on my medication. 🙂

We are going to go see the Greatest Showman tomorrow. Anxiously awaiting “I, Tonya”, “The Post” and some scary movie that is coming out. Unfortunately in Brownsville I have to see scary movies by myself. What is up with no one wanting to see them with me???

One last thing. I have ordered the book called 4×4 or something like that. It’s Erin Oprea, or something like that. It’s food and it’s exercises that look like I can do. I’m really an exercise DVD and healthy cook book hoarder that I purchase with very good intentions. Mayble I’ll follow through with this one because I just need a mat. I did use my styrofoam roller on my thighs and hamstrings today and yesterday I hung upside down on a table and it really loosened my back after golf.

Okay that’s enough blabbing. Peace and Out

 

 

 

 

Dec. 26 Brownsville

26 Dec

We have been here since Saturday, Dec. 23. Feels soo good. Still trying to calm my racing thoughts and I am sure that will happen.  I have so many things I want to do and people to see.

Today was Ladies Golf league day and it was fun to see everyone again. It was so foggy for several holes that you couldn’t see where the ball stopped. A little damp too but it felt so great to be out playing. It was an interesting round. A couple of pars, 1 birdie and then all hell broke loose. Triple bogies, double hits, in the water, yikes. Oh, well. Plenty of rounds left to play. Tomorrow is couples golf which Denny and I really enjoy. It’s just for fun and only 9 holes.

We bought a new futon divan today. Finally can get rid of this stinky black vinyl divan that came with this place. I wish my nose wasn’t so sensitive but a new divan will also sleep more company. We also have our new refrigerator delivered tomorrow. Will be very glad to have that. Hopefully we are done with major purchases.

Can’t believe that 4 of our 5 boxes of our stuff arrived today. I can’t even remember what is in them. Will unpack tomorrow. Kind of slow getting organized.

On Christmas morning I slept in due to a bad tummy night. Jumper and Bendi made it extremely difficult. It’s like having little kids yelling “Mommy mommy” when you are in a room with the door closed. First they wanted to be in bed with me, then they would want out of the room. Then Bendi was barking at the door until Denny got her to be quiet. Next, I hear a golf ball come rolling under the door, so I had to let Bendi back in. This went on a couple of times until I put the golf ball up. I finally gave up about 11 am. Bendi is happy to be here and bouncing the golf ball down the steps. Jumper is just happy.

Trying to get my mind wrapped around beginning my meditation routine, exercising, writing, etc. January is so busy that a really good routine might not happen until February. A friend stopped by and was telling me about her organic eating she is doing and how good she feels. I feel like just drinking healthy smoothies and nothing else. There was a wonderful prime rib dinner Christmas afternoon and did I pay for it. Yuck. Definitely no more red meat. Did make it to Dirty Al’s tonight for some yummy shrimp.

So…I will be blogging more. I like to write and I have missed it. When we owned the park, I felt limited on what I could talk about. The frustrations, the sadness at times, the exhaustion, but also the joys and feelings of success.

I never shared too much about the wonderful retreat I attended in California and I would like to share about the experience. I wish everyone who struggles with emotions, disappointments, sadness, decisions, etc. could attend one of these. It was so freeing for me and I will share about it in the next few posts. I am sad that the fire is still raging in the area we were staying.

Sweet Elliott story. She made paper snowflakes and passed them out to shoppers at the mall last weekend.  Love her!!!

Elliott snow

That’s it for now. Peace

 

 

 

 

 

Heading to Brownsville

20 Dec

Finally, we are able to begin packing for our Texas visit! We have a couple of snows coming in so trying to work around that. Of course it always seems we are leaving in the snow and cold.
Even though my last trip was fast and crazy and it was really fun. Seeing Billie and the kids was great. We were able to all go out and eat and also hang out with them at their house. They have all come such a long way since they lost Justin. We are able talk about Daddy with good memories. Elliott made a little painting to put on Daddy’s gravestone which I thought was soooooo sweeeeet.
It was a good visit with Mom too and seeing my cousins Karl and Ce. Mom was a little uncomfortable one day but the other days were good and we had good visits. She is going to be at my sister Judy’s for Christmas which is wonderful.
I had so much fun at Judi’s Christmas party and staying with Jacque. Since many of us stay in touch on FB it didn’t seem like that many of us hadn’t seen each since high school, which is so long ago. Lots of laughs and memories.
Staying with Jillaine and her family was a great treat. We have not been able to see them for years. Going to church and then going to Top Golf was really fun. I had seen the ads for Top Golf but didn’t realize how really cool it is. So computerized. Another treat was Jaysen doing card tricks. Oh Em Gee he was good. It makes me want to go on You Tube and learn the tricks. He said that is where he learned how.
Of course the puppies were glad to see us when we picked them up from Auntie Ruth. She is the best dog sitter in the whole world and is also one of the kindest people in the whole world!! We go way back to biker days and I’m glad we are still able to see each other.
TidBits:
It feels great to feel fairly settled in our new home before we head out. I may actually organize the sewing room,(how many times have I said that!!) before we leave.
Due to room limitations in the Jeep we are going to mail some clothes and fabric to Texas. I was afraid I was going to lose my apartment in the backseat!
Tummy issues seem to be better. Still not eating big fat juicy steaks or bread. But…..what a shock when I received an $11,000 ER bill!! Thankfully it was adjusted down to a little over $2000 but still painful to pay. No more constipated visits to ER for sure.
Denny doesnt’ need surgery on his hernia until after we get back in the spring.
My mind is fairly racy with crazy ways to make money. One is being a deep cleaner for bathrooms. We see so many in our travels and it distresses me when we are in a restaurant and the bathrooms are gross. I think I could just have bathroom cleaning items on hand and offer to deep clean while I’m there. Hopefully this idea will go away soon!!
I am anxious about my new online business that I hope will be up and running by summer. I’ll just have to see how I will be at mass producing many items this winter.
Looking forward to exercising, meditating, drumming and playing games soon. Sooo miss Mahjong.
That’s it for now. Merry Christmas to everyone. Old Friends and my New Friends!!

Day 6 of Chapter 1

3 Nov

First day of retreat. We began at 9 am and there are 15 of us. We are lucky that we have a harpist and a musician who can play many instruments. Music and movements were a big part of our work today. Of course relaxing our bodies, breathing, loosening up some tai chi moves and learning about different ways to walk and also chase away our demons!!

Of course I had to start the day on a difficult note. All I had to do was write my name on a label to put on my shirt. First I took it off of the paper so when I laid it on the container to write my name, it stuck to the container. I thought I could still salvage it but to no avail so my name tag went all around the room stuck on the box. But the good thing is everyone knew my name easily!

After the meet and greet we went up to the OJai Retreat which is up the mountain and is a very beautiful and peaceful place. We gathered around in a big circle and began practicing different ways to face our issues. We did dance moves which was uncomfortable for me at first but then I became less self conscious. We had different partners for exercises so it was a good way to get to know each other.

One funny thing happened. I was telling a Bendi story about how I have to carry her around like a baby when she gets scared. When I was done talking the group told me my toes were talking with me!! Never knew my toes moved when I talked like my arms do. We always have our shoes off.

We also did an exercise where we are blindfolded for 20 minutes. That was kind of weird at first but we were to test our senses. At first I was very anxious and breathing fast, then I had a humongous hot flash and couldn’t get my scarf, blanket and hoodie off fast enough, then I had to pee and fart. So that was the extent of my exercise. Not sure if I learned anything from that.

Had a wonderful massage with Autumn who is also from Colorado. She showed me how to gently place my hands on my tummy and breathe into my organs to help these IBS issues. I am to place my hands on my tummy in the morning and breathe and think positive about my organs. Right now tummy feels pretty good which makes me happy. I am drinking water and eating veggies and fruit today.

Tomorrow is beach day. It will be very chilly so I have about 6 things of clothing to take so I’m not cold. Apparently the water is cold and there is an undertow so we don’t get in. We’ll spend about 6 hours there. I do hope the sun will be out so at least there might be some warmth. This is a weird chill here, the kind that just keeps you feeling chilly no matter what.

Denny had a good day of roaming around the area, played golf and laundry. Tomorrow he is going to the gym and check out some other activities.

That’s it for now. Peace and Namaste  A year ago Judy and I were heading to India on our great adventure!

I’ll try to have more photos tomorrow, my silly phone ran out of juice quickly today.