Let’s talk aging

31 May

I get to take one month off of my reservation book. Whoo Hoo..  What a great month it was despite some weather issues. New campers, returning campers and great to see them all. We are becoming known nationwide. Many campers come in and tell us in their travels how they will mention they are coming to Circle the Wagons and then that other person will say “we’ve stayed there!!” Very exciting.

I’m winding up my trip to Arkansas. Mom is so-so. It’s really sad because she really doesn’t feel well. Her little body is becoming misshapen with being bent over. I so admire that she can still push up from her chair to her walker but it takes all of her energy. She is unhappy and is so ready for it all to be over, but she has a beating heart and nothing seriously wrong so she keeps waking up everyday. They take very good care of her at Green Acres. Today was uncomfortable for me because outside of my Mom’s room there was a lady shrieking at the top of her lungs. Very loud and high pitched and it sounded like one of those old sanitarium movies where the patients make strange noises.  I didn’t like it all. Luckily I don’t think Mom can hear her. Of course all of this gets me going on aging and how much I don’t want to end up like many of the patients who are very far into alzheimers and dementia. They wander, they carry little dolls as their babies, they think family is coming to get them, they think they are going to work, they sometimes wait at the door to hopefully escape when someone comes into the facility. It’s all heartbreaking and what is the point??? Colorado has the law about end of life. Some friends and I were discussing different ideas regarding life situations. They said they had it all written out about not wanting to be on ventilators etc. But what if you are like my Mom. During the early part of the day she is very on top of what is going on but it fades away as the day goes on. There are no choices for those like Mom. If you do have a directive regarding your end of life, do you have to take care of your plan before you are too far gone and you forget that you were not going to live in a demented way?? I watched a show that interviewed people who were taking the pills to pass away. They were still lucid but had terminal diseases, so they took care of it while they still could know what was happening. If I went to the doctor and received the diagnosis of Alzheimers, would I really be brave enough to get the paperwork done to end my life? Some days I feel braver about that decision than others. The same with a terminal cancer diagnosis, COPD, serious heart condition. I don’t like to think about it but as I enter my 65th year in January, it becomes much more of a reality of things that could happen. I then get freaked out about it being a suicide and but is that really the same because you are truly taking care of yourself and not letting yourself become a burden.

I don’t know. Hopefully I won’t have to make these kind of decisions, but it is certainly part of many conversations I’ve had this year. I love my Mom but I don’t want to see her suffer each day. We hope she may be able to be in hospice and maybe they can make her more comfortable but it is a Catch 22 situation and right now she doesn’t qualify. I would really like some prayers for her to be more comfortable and peaceful. Thank you.

I will drive back to Topeka tomorrow and hook up with my friend Becky and then have dinner with Billie and the kids. I think Billie is taking me to the 12:30am train Friday morning. I’m so glad I will have a roomette for the trip home. I need to be well rested since I’ll have to go right to work when I get back to the park. Denny and I did well keep track of reservations on both ends. He is a sweety to let me take this quick trip.

That’s it for now.  Peace

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2 Responses to “Let’s talk aging”

  1. Maggie Fieger 06/01/2017 at 7:32 am #

    I have had this conversation many times. Medical science has figured out how to lengthen our lives but not always provide quality of life. It’s hard to know how we’d would handle end of life if we had a choice. I’m so sorry that your mom is so sad. That’s got to be hard to watch. Sounds like your season is starting strong. I may just get out there! Love you

  2. Janis 06/01/2017 at 4:54 pm #

    End of life is in God’s hands; to do anything else is murder/suicide.

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