November 13, 2015

13 Nov

Just sitting down for awhile with my feet up and the heating pad on my back. (More about the back later) Denny and I arrived in Topeka on Monday afternoon. We spent 2 nights in Arkansas to see my Mom. She is frail but still gets up and gets dressed and looks pretty. She is taking Tylenol every 4 hours and that is really helping with all of her discomforts. She doesn’t want to eat much but still does. She is struggling with a hiatel hernia which is aggravated by the shrinking of her little body. She is still able to get out of her chair and walk some but she doesn’t want to go out of her room. We like where she is as they keep a good eye on her and sister Judy can visit almost daily. I had 2 great visits with her and felt better seeing her. We will go down there for a couple of weeks when we get back from Mexico.
We arrived in Topeka on Monday afternoon. First time here since July and Denny’s first time to see the house. We have a nice set up in the house with a bedroom and a bathroom in the basement. Now that it has been a year since Daddy passed away I was wondering how things would be. There are still some issues, sadness, but happiness too, some therapies going on, Elliott still drawing many pictures, but to have some more room has been great. I don’t how many grandmas go through what I do but Billie gets nervous about me coming and judging and fussing about house stuff. I try to come and not fuss but not too successfully. Then all sorts of other issues come into play for me emotionally. What can I do to help, What can I say to help, what can I do to not make things worse. Then my sadness hits full force. Luckily I have a wonderful friend Linda who does a lot of spiritual work. We talked a long time yesterday about letting go of the pain in my heart so that I can be here and be strong. Yesterday a very strange thing happened. Billie and Cade where having an issue and all of a sudden this memory of me feeling very unloved as a teenager (don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the best teenager to be around) and how I loved that once a year my Grandmother Betty came to visit from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I loved when she visited because she loved me a lot and would stay with me in my room and make egg custard. I would be so sad when she left for the year. Anyway that memory came roaring up from somewhere and overwhelmed me with sadness and wanting to be the loving grandma to come visit and make everyone happy. Sooo, while we are in Mexico I’m going to work on some buried issues and let them float away with the waves.
Speaking of Mexico, we are leaving Saturday afternoon to stay at a motel that will shuttle us to the airport at 3:30 am!! I’ve had to let go of wondering how that is going to work for all of us and let it just happen. (okay so I haven’t totally let it go) We did pay an additional $59 per person on the flight from Chicago to Cancun so that we can all sit together, 6 across, on the flight. I was stewing wayyyyy toooooo much about that and wondering how we would all be together if you can’t book seats til 24 hours before and….we would have to do it at 5:15am Saturday morning. KC is on a different flight but will arrive 15 minutes later than us so the shuttling to the resort shouldn’t be too hectic. Everyone is excited and Elliott is saying many of her Spanish words that she is learning in kindegarten this year. One outing that is going to happen is a trip to the Ruins which I will volunteer to stay at resort for. Trying to pack light which seems to be easy. The kids have plenty to do on the plane. It will be interesting how they react to flying. I told them they could ask Gpa Denny any questions about the noises so they wouldn’t be scared.

Had lunch with Jan and Marsha yesterday and very fun to catch up.  Had coffee with Shelly this morning. They are almost 30 year friends.

Wish us luck. This is a big step for Gpa Denny and Grandma Birdie!!

2 Responses to “November 13, 2015”

  1. Kit 11/13/2015 at 6:48 pm #

    J BIRD no worrying. This is a fun time with Billie and the gkids. Breath and relax and have a ball. It is unwind time. Hope your is a ball.

  2. Sandy 11/14/2015 at 8:04 am #

    what she said, J. Don’t use vacation to “work on” anything – just BE in the moment :^)

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