Grief

20 Nov

Who ever came up with the saying “Good Grief”? I do not believe there is such a thing.
Cade, Kyler and Elliott are grieving in different ways. Sometimes Kyler just breaks down and cries. Elliott isn’t crying too much and feels “we have to be tough”. Cade’s grief comes out in behavior. Billie comes in and out of it also. One minute doing okay, the next minute crying so hard I can hardly bear the sound.
This morning I had a totally hopeless feeling. Tonight, better. I cry more by myself. I’m trying to be the one to just keep things going.
Billie is home until December 1st. We took the kids out of school for 3 days this week to go visit my Mom and stay with my sister Judy. It was a good trip and I think all of us could have stayed quite awhile.
Billie continues to get lots of support from her friends. Meals are delivered every night along with yummy desserts. We have made this coming Monday as “let’s all start eating healthier” week.
Grief also makes eating difficult. I haven’t been able to eat a lot of meals that are delivered and subsisted on rice cakes and peanut butter for several days.
Grief makes dressing nicely hard and also putting make-up on a pain.
Grief clogs our brain cells. I was trying to keep up on laundry and dishes. I discovered today that I have been using softener only in the wash and finish in the dishwasher, soooo basically we have just been wearing rinsed out clothing and rinsed off dishes. Yuck. Now I’m doing it correctly.
We have managed to get the living room painted. Billie’s friend Scott and I did that on Sunday. She loved it and it was a surprise for her when she got home. Monday was her 38th birthday. Tomorrow we will begin on our next painting project, the boys room.
We did find out Justin’s cause of death. Heart attack and he had the beginnings of hardening of the arteries. A piece of plaque broke off.
Denny is home working on our house. He is painting the walls in the living room and hallway. He will come back here after Thanksgiving to put up some french doors and some other things Billie needs done.
Sister Judy is arriving tomorrow to spend a few days with us to help with projects. That will be a great help.
Time to go to a meeting with one of my friends. Not that I would take a drink but I need some spiritual energy desperately.
This is the hardest thing I have ever been through but very glad I can be here for my heartbroken daughter and her little family.

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4 Responses to “Grief”

  1. Jacque 11/20/2014 at 7:14 pm #

    Jay, my heart aches for you all. I want to come up there and see you one day and take you to lunch, so let me know when. Please call me.

  2. Emily 11/20/2014 at 8:10 pm #

    J, my heart breaks for your family. I am not being flippant when I say I know what you are going through. My Mom would stay in the shower for an hour and cry after my sister’s death. We too all grieved in our own ways. Jo’s kids were high school age, not that made it any easier. Jack just wouldn’t talk about it and thought that would make it all go away. Prayers are being said for you and your family. Having a good support team is the best thing at this time.

  3. Joyce 11/21/2014 at 7:35 am #

    I don’t know where to start. It’s all so sad. I was overwhelmed when my dad died and I was 59 years old. It has to be so terrible for the little ones and Billie. I wish there was a magic way to make it better but there never is. You’re a good mom/grandma and they’ll never forget how much loved and took care of them. Let me know what I can do to help.

  4. Sandy 11/22/2014 at 6:26 am #

    Thinking of you and your family, J.

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