My horoscope today

16 Apr

You’ve got plans — and then you’ve got feelings. Try not to let the negative emotions roiling about inside you ruin your schemes. You can make it through this brief phase stronger for the struggle.

I really like what that says. I struggle with my negative thoughts at times. Especially when something exciting is going to happen. From my teenage years on, I’ve always thought something horrific will happen around important events. For instance; when I was turning 16, turning 18, turning 21, I thought I wouldn’t live to see those milestones. Melodramatic-yes, believe me it was very scary for me emotionally. I suffered 20 years of fear of traveling. Always thought about car wrecks, plane wrecks, etc. It didn’t necessarily keep me from traveling, but I lost lots of sleep. In my 30’s these fears turned into major panic attacks. I would literally go to the emergency room and tell them at the desk that I was dying. Finally received some help and medication and years of therapy got me through this phase. Denny has probably helped me the most with my travel fears. When we first met, he was telling me how he’d like to take me to Hawaii.I said “no way”‘ I don’t fly over the ocean. I had only done it once before and that was to France. I’ve since been to St. Croix, Costa Rica and Hawaii.
He took me to the mountains and taught me how to ride dirt bikes. Never thought I would do anything like that. We’ve done many exciting trips and travels. Now as we are delving into this new phase, I feel a lot of my icky fears coming up again. I’m doing what I can and pray daily to not let them get the best of me. I have so many ideas of how I would like the RV park to be, how I can incorporate my arts into a little business, fixing up the house, getting back to life in La Veta. Moving back to somewhere is also scary. It was hard to move back to Kansas. I tried to not have expectations, but I did. Many old friendships didn’t really materialize again. Did make a few new friends and enjoyed our lake life, but never felt quite comfortable. Now, once again, I need to watch my expectations as we move back here again. I just need to let things happen as they come.

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